Vulnerability - The True Courage
PrePhase: I'm sure many people are familiar with the movie "Taare Zameen Par." It holds a special place as one of my all-time favorite films. The reason it resonates with me is due to my ability to connect with the characters, a sentiment shared by many others. The success of movies often hinges on the audience's ability to form a strong connection with the characters.
The Seed of Vulnerability: Think about it this way – some folks don't have the best childhoods. Reasons vary, like not having much money or dealing with health issues. And you know what's even worse? Some of these guys go through really tough stuff (Traumas) when they're super young, it’s no big deal for them at that stage as that would be common among their peer group. I'm talking about things like parents arguing a lot, being hurt physically or in other terrible ways, or losing people they're close to, maybe even their mom and dad.
As we grow up, we tend to focus on school and getting a job. The result? All those bad memories and feelings we had as kids? We kind of bury them deep down inside us, hoping they'll just go away.
The Mirage of “Perfect Being”: Think about when you were a kid – if you cried or felt sad, you were often told to stop. People sometimes think crying means you're not strong. Even kids are told not to do things that might seem silly, like playing in the mud or goofing off at home. Acting a bit silly or not super smart was seen as something to be embarrassed about, even for kids.
Sometimes adults find it funny when kids do weird or funny stuff – it makes them laugh. But the problem is, some kids who do these things end up getting teased, both at home and at school. Other kids find it funny to make fun of them. So, these kids start feeling scared of being laughed at when they're still really young. They connect laughter with feeling ashamed.
As we grow up, we tend to stick to places where we feel safe and comfy. We avoid trying new things because we're scared we might mess up and look silly. Like, lots of people are terrified of being on stage. They worry that everything could go wrong, and they'll feel embarrassed in front of others.
The consequence of chasing the “Perfect being Mirage.”: As a result of both- Our Upbringing or Childhood Experiences and our Conditioning we tend to develop a falsified Persona which is only half of us, The Stronger or the Brighter side. The other half which is our Weaker or the Darker side gets no attention. This Persona is like a bubble, at some point in life this gets burst out because of the immense pressure of being seen as Perfect; That’s when we happen to give our attention to our Darker side, Our Traumas, etc.
Many would suggest going for Therapy. That would work in some cases, in others it may not work. What usually happens in Therapy is that the Psychologists try to change the Mindset of Patients by saying what they are feeling is not the reality. Few will accept that; the issue is resolved. For some others, it’s very hard to accept that as they have been experiencing it for a very long time and are attached to these negative emotions though it’s not good for them. An example of such conditioning is when a Prisoner gets released, he/she feels the Prison is a better or Safer place compared to the Real world.
Kindness is the Key: There is a high chance that these issues can be resolved by someone who is Empathetic, Kind, and has some good understanding. The Very Basic thing anyone can do is to Listen to what they are saying without judging. The downside of being Vulnerable in Infront of Everyone is that when we expose our Weaknesses to Opportunists, they tend to make use of It (That’s what advertisers do). Some unempathetic people may dishonor our feelings will worsens the case.
We must choose the right person, with whom we can get emotionally naked. This means we get to confront our deep-buried emotions, traumas, and Darker sides but we aren’t alone. We have someone who can feel the pain the way we do. This is what is called Empathy (to feel someone’s pain) This pain is the most beautiful thing that connects people by building a very strong bond like that of a Covalent bond. In a Covalent bond-The bond is formed through sharing of electrons. Here, the pain is electrons. When two people, who have gone through similar experiences meet; there starts a new profound relationship. This could be considered as a positive thing out of our bad experiences.
Awareness is enough: Crying is not a bad thing at all, it’s the most human thing to do and Even animals do. It’s a sign you are a living being. Robots can do the work we do they cannot feel the Emotions that we feel. Also, we should not be ashamed of being Stupid at times this stupidity is like a Stress buster for many people. The popular Comedy show Mr. Bean shows us the Brighter side of being Stupid, we can Enjoy life every moment when we are not too serious about ourselves.
The reality is we cannot suppress or get rid of our weakness completely, we can build strength in other areas of life which overtakes our weaknesses. Just being aware of our weakness gives a clear and whole picture of our true self which leads to building a strong personality. This Real Personality is strong from within. We won’t shy away from owning these negative traits or emotions anymore as these are also part of our self.
Flipside of the story: It’s not a great idea to showcase our vulnerability very often that it might be considered as Advertising to seek attention. That annoys people many times. when we're unsure about things, taking risks, or feeling exposed, we shouldn't avoid those situations or panic. It's better to be brave, even if it's uncomfortable. When things get awkward or tough, it's important to stay there and face it. Listen to difficult conversations and keep moving forward. No need to overshare, disclose everything to everyone, or over-crying to show how human we are (this could be seen in reality shows these days).
Conclusion: When we share our weaknesses with dignity and pride it’s not a weakness anymore. This is the true courage. We should be aware of our strengths and weaknesses when we feel vulnerable, we should try not to panic or run Away Just have to stay in the moment.
Sometimes we need to drop the guard so that our hearts can Breathe.
Content by: Manjula
Email:manjulasmruthi@gmail.com